What were you doing in early December, 1986? What was going on in your life back then? How did you feel? What kind of deep stuff were you dealing with?
Imagine being asked those kinds of questions today. On camera, recorded on video. That’s what last Thursday was like for me.
Davy Rothbart and his crew from FOUND Magazine, podcast and soon-to-be TV show, were in my basement interviewing me about an unusual video I’d created 38 years ago. It was called Rent-a-Friend, The Original Video Companion, and it was somehow attracting new attention decades following its release. It even popped up one night on national TV, way back when.
If you’re not familiar with FOUND and Davy Rothbart’s work, this is for you.
I feel like Davy and his work are very similar in essence to my own. We both revel in the surprise and splendor of the everyday, the non-famous. We are curious about people and what makes them tick. It’s been a real boon to my life to connect with Davy. I was flattered and really happy to be asked for an interview. And surprised at how I felt when the day was done.
They got to my place around 12:30 P.M. In an hour, my basement was turned into a sound stage. Two cameras. Lighting. Sound technician. A producer/editor. Plus Davy’s brother and co-star, Peter, and their sword-swallowing side man, Brett Loudermilk. Serious stuff.
You don’t have to know much about Rent-a-Friend to still feel in the loop. Watching the videos here will give you more than enough to get you up to speed. Suffice it to say, Davy wanted to know about my creation of that time, a 42-minute single take of me talking to you, the viewer, being your very best friend in the world. I ask you questions about you and your life, I play games with you, I share stories about my crazy family. I even share secrets and offer to loan you money. All on VHS, way before the internet, YouTube and Facebook. It pretends to be interactive, as best as was possible back then, technologically speaking. (In other words, after I ask you a question, on the tape, I pause to “listen” to you answer. I nod my head earnestly.)
As usual, I thoroughly enjoyed the attention and the opportunity to talk about myself and my work. But it was a little challenging trying to speak from the heart with a room full of people listening while I kept my focus on my interlocutor Davy, tucked in the shadows of all that equipment. He really wanted me to get in touch with feelings I’d had back then, when my first marriage teetered on collapse, when I grasped onto this project, to make this video, as a creative and emotional salve. But it wasn’t easy.
What brought out the most emotion for me was when he asked me about how it was today, when people seemed to be hearing about Rent-a-Friend for the first time. How did I feel about that? I filled up with gratitude and tears. It was very powerful to experience being recognized for work I’d done 38 years ago. It was something like a feeling of redemption. And I was aware that maybe this odd little video might make someone smile, or feel a little less alone. If so, wow. Even a laugh would be nice. Laughter reduces depression, after all.
When the interview was done and the crew left, I felt strangely neutral. And satisfied. I didn’t crave more. This seemed new to me. Looking back, I remember one of the first questions Davy asked me. What did I see in myself watching Rent-a-Friend today? I told him I couldn’t help but see a neediness in myself, even a desperation in my on camera schtick . It was 1986, and, however unconscious, I so desperately wanted you to like me.
Davy said, yeah, he saw that too. And, he added, “I saw a certain sadness.” Oh yeah.
And I couldn’t help but realize that today, something’s different in me. (I think.)
Quite the journey, this earth trip we’re on, eh? Perhaps I needed to make this video 38 years ago, to be interviewed about it 38 years later, to see something about myself. Or maybe it’s just age. Either way, I do see I’ve changed.
I was grateful for the time, for the attention, for the fellowship that afternoon. And, when it was over, I was satisfied. Rather than search for ways to keep the party going, I had my dinner with Julia and noticed how tired I was. An early bedtime was really looking good.
I wish the same for you. Especially you, Davy. Sounds like you’ve been burning the candle at both ends lately. This is your friend Ben speaking. Get to bed early tonight, will you?
