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Transcript

"Manly Man" Insecurity

Old video reminds me of uncomfortable truths - hence the retitling of piece

It was early summer of 1997. Shooter Doug Sawyer and I came across this assembly of characters and heavy machinery en route to a scheduled videotaping at Mario’s Gym. I was attracted to the activity and wanted to test a new segment idea I called As Is.

The idea was to stop wherever we saw something of interest and start asking questions, suss out a story. No prep, no planning, on the fly. We could have called it Serendipity.

It’s not a mind-blowing piece. But it's pure Chicago, as I understood the city: unpretentious, democratic, inclusive, playful and, come to think of it, very Studs Terkelian, its focus being on the work, and the way people’s work reveals who they are as human beings. My work too. 

What do I mean? Well, for me, I see faith. Faith that I can find a story here, simply by following my curiosity. Courage, in my willingness to talk to people I’ve never met before, risking being told no, fuck off. And a love for having fun with people, affectionately, not copping an attitude of superiority or coolness. Hey, I didn’t grow up around day laborers, tractors or brickies. I was into Jimi Hendrix and I Dream of Genie. In my more insecure moments, I was afraid of “manly men,” guys who worked with their hands, guys who loved rebuilding engines and moving earth. I was afraid they would think I was a wimp. But somehow, likely through training in Improvisational Theatre with Jo Forsberg and company (The Players Workshop of The Second City,) I found confidence. I learned, through experience, that if I act like I know what I’m doing, act like I’m confident and in charge, people will follow me, work with me… play with me! My insecurities, I learned, were bullshit, figments of my imagination.

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I don’t even remember if this ever aired on Ben Love Chicago on WPWR  in Chicago. The raw footage shows the time code stamp, which contributes to the As Is vibe. And, to me, that also gives it that archival quality, like buried treasure. When I came across these sounds and images only weeks ago, my heart picked up the pace. This is gonna be great! I was eager to piece it together. And as I did, I couldn’t help thinking about where these folks might be today. Was Dermot back home in Ireland, married with kids? And the girl working for her dad? She’s nearly 40. What about Ilya? Did he even understand my unspoken (to him) reference to the old hit TV show The Man from U.N.C.L.E.? How long did Nick keep driving that massive backhoe? Did Juan ever get rich? 

And what about that guy with the crewcut, asking all the questions?

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