This one really paid off.
Sara’s question came up after she’d seen my movie, The Treasure, an amalgam of video clips and reflections from a life in front of (and behind) the camera.) Before and after being on Big Time TV. Which means wedding videos, video letters, video confessions, video therapy sessions and more. All amounting to a history of sorts. And Sara was wondering, with enthusiasm (and rhetorically, I believe) Who does this? The answer I think she was inferring was this: Nobody. Nobody but you, Ben.
That kind of affirmation is so juicy and loving. Thank you, Sara.
Not taken rhetorically, however, another question emerges: Why do I do it?
It was purely inspiration and the prospect of having a blast that triggered the creation of the raw material. The thought hit me moments after I heard the message from Christine inviting me to come over and lift her (and our mutual friend Frank’s) spirits. “Come over and make us laugh,” she’d said.
Instantly I knew what I wanted to do. I’d grab my cassette tape recorder and rush over to Chris’s apartment on Racine, bag of comical sight gags in to. Once there, I’d unleash them in a torrent of focused, manic energy. (In truth, I had no idea in advance about the manic energy. That just happened. It was like I received an order and I had to fill it. ASAP. So I did.)
The Comedy Bag held a Funny-Nose-Mustache=and-Glasses thingy, a silly hat Chris had given me years before, and…a mirror. How I was going to spring these on my two friends, I didn’t know. But I certainly was excited to pull out the mirror and stick it in their faces. You want funny? Look in the mirror. Listen to your self speak. Notice what your thinking. You get me?
Why do I share this now, 42 years after the fact? Maybe for the same reason the dog licks his balls — because I can! These old treasures tickle me. They remind me of the fun I had. They also invite me to ponder what was going on for me at the time.
In February of 1984 I was planning to get married. If my on-stage, not-for-broadcast talk show, Not Late Night did not lead to something big, I was ready to consider quitting “show biz” and find a job in advertising.
Christine, meanwhile, was to go on to being a writer at SNL. And Frank, the third member of ourimprov group, The Shobums, was looking at leaving Chicago and becoming an acting teacher in New Mexico. Much change was afoot. Maybe my manic, aggressive energy was in response to that. With change comes loss. (I had no idea that five years later I’d be hosting a broadcast TV show in PBS’s third largest market, WTTW.)
So saving these bits of life, then resurrecting them to formats I can actually use, well, this is an act of love. Self-love. And Love for my dear pals Chris and Frank. And Love for you, should you find this interesting or inspiring. It’s all about Love, really. I’m getting older and I’m seeing people around me die. I cry. And then I go to the keyboard and revel in all the good that’s happened - and continues to happen - in my life. Our Life. That’s right. Our Life.
“After all,” as Marriane Williamson said, “there’s only one of us here.”
